Category: Essays

This is part II in my bold, audacious I tell you, attempt to scale the vast queries levied by Matthew Yeager.

Do you go to movies alone? Yes.

When eating out, do you prefer, in general, to face the crowd or the wall? The crowd and preferably with the wall to the back.  You never know when ninjas may attack out.  And some waiters, well, let us just say I am uncomfortable whenever they handle steak knives.

Are you a person who has certain items that unequivocally yours (a coffee mug, a side of the bed, a chair, a place at the table)? I have patterns that I prefer to but nothing that I would say is unequivocally mine.  One exception might be that I order so many quad-tall Americanos that I am now the the name of drink at Cafe Solstice.  I used to have a Lilo & Stitch coffee mug that only I could use; sadly I recently broke it against the kitchen counter-top.  I was very much sad that day.

What names have you thought to name children? I cannot say I have spent too much time coming up with names.  But names that come to mind are Ion, Nathan, Eve, Lavender.  I think I will stop now; all my future children are bound to get beaten up if I continue in this light.

How many different bathrooms would you say you use on a given day? No more than four.  Two at home.  One at work.  One at Cafe Solstice; yeah, I am there a lot.

Are there bathrooms (not your own) that you consider a pleasure to use, even look forward to using? I am sort of morbidly curious to find a person who has such deep thoughts about where they conduct their business, as it were.  Sorry.  To answer the question directly:  no.

Are you shy? I think I am “pathologically” shy.  I am not sure what this really means other than I find that first introductions to be very unnerving. I do not normally just walk up to people and start talking, although I have been practicing getting better at simple chit-chat.  I sincerely believe that if a person has the courage to ask me a question then I should have the courage to answer them as honestly as possible.  That said, once engaged in a conversation I will happily talk at length which I think often disguises, to a point that many people are shocked when I claim I am shy, my true(r) nature.

Do you save your receipts? I do but I have no reason why I do since I regularly throw them out.

Have you ever made love outdoors? Yes.

Before throwing spaghetti into the pot, do you break the bundle in half? Why on earth would ever do that?  No!  Actually, yes if I am cooking them directly in the sauce I am making in the pan.

Can you recall a [bowel movement] that produced the thought: “Wow, this is the biggest and best [bowel movement] of my life?” Yes.

What did you call bowel movements as a child? Poo(p).

How old were you when you learned to read? I have no idea.  I do recall reading my first novel, “The Hobbit” by J.R.R. Tolkien, around the age of 8.  I know I was this old as I distinctly recall finishing the book while at my oldest sister’s university graduation.  I also recall that the very reason I started reading it was because she had read it in one of her university classes and had left a copy at our house.  And I also clearly remember that the ceremony pamphlet had a misspelling “alot” instead of “a lot.”  Nowadays I cannot spell worth crap:  thanks, WordStar.

Do you nap? Not very often, but I like to take one after some of my longer runs.  It can be very pleasant to run 20-30 kilometers in the early morning only to return home by 9am for a nap.

Isn’t stretching something you always feel you should do more of while you’re doing it? Yes!  I am always thinking that if only I did this every day since a child I would already be able to contort myself into a pretzel.

Why must we always draw a blank after entering a record store? Record stores are now extinct.  Like dinosaurs.  Seriously.  But I get that feeling from time to time when I enter a bookstore.  I just see all those lovely, lovely books and lose track of why I am there.

What’s the strangest non-food item you swallowed as a kid? I used to chew off the nibs on pen caps.

Do you use Post-it notes? All the time at work.  It is the cheapest way to track a project.  And also the best way to do over any software solution I have ever seen.

Are they still there, those ascending horizontal lines that marked your growth as a child up a wall or a door? I have no idea since we moved from the house.  I suspect not.  Does this mean, like a tree in a forest, I never now grew up?  That instead, I just appeared on the scene as a fully-(mal)formed adult?

In how many cities and towns do you know your way around? Four off the top of my head.  Skaneateles, New York with a population of some 3,000.  Buffalo, New York with a population rapidly shrinking to some 3,000.  Seattle, Washington which I have a moderate comprehension although only after living here for 12 years.  Kanazawa, Ishikawa (Japan) where I acquired such a detailed understanding of the roads within the first 12 months that even 12 years later I can tell people the way to get around.

Can you describe to me your most frequent freak-out fantasy, or do the particulars of your situations vary so that it’s always a new table you’re overturning or bus window you’re punching out? I think my freak out fantasy vaguely includes kittens being killed.  Mercilessly.  Did I ever mention to you that cuteness and tastiness are directly proportional to each other?

Do you ride the bus? Every day.  All day.  I never get off.  I just go around the city, big man on the bus.  I am the one wearing over-sized RayBans staring at your right now.  Yeah, right now.

How is your handshake? Firm, unlike my grasp of reality.

Can you ever know for sure if it’s too hard or too soft? If it hurts then too hard.  If it requires a lot of tissue paper too soft.

When at a museum, do you like to walk around by yourself or take the tour? Normally I much prefer to walk around by myself.  But I did discover that a tour is its weight in gold when visiting the Vatican.

Can you recall how the moon looked the first time you saw it through glasses (if you wear glasses)? No.  But I suspect it was vaguely round.

When cooking, do you eyeball or measure? I measure when it is my first with a recipe.  Thereafter I just eyeball it.  Unless I am baking then I always measure the large quantities (greater than a tablespoon).

Do you buy low-fat products? Fuck.  No.  Unless I hate you.

In which of these opposing clichés (“absence makes the heart grow fonder” or “out of sight, out of mind”) do you find more truth? Out of sight, out of mind.  I guess that sounds harsh when lain, as it were, next to the other phrase.  But overall, with the exception of people I am in love with, I try to focus on my “now” versus worrying about all the things outside of my purview.

Do you go, each time, to the same barber or hair-stylist? I do now.

When at the barber or hair-stylist, do you tend to talk about hair or realize that people there must always talk about hair? I am a fairly quiet person.  It really depends on my mood whether I engage in chit-chat.  Some days, especially since I go after work, I am just too tired to have much of a conversation about much of anything.

Was your Christmas tree (if you had one as a child) fake or real? Originally it was real until it was determined that it might be setting off my asthma.  So we had a crappy fake one for years till I pleaded for a real one.  Now, when I do have one, I go out and cut my own.

What was it topped with, an angel or a star? Angel.  My mother also has a birthday cake for Jesus Christ that we light candles for and sing “Happy Birthday!” to.  So definitely an angel.  I think if she could she’d hire a real angel for the job.

Have you ever purchased a item with the secret intent to return it? No.  Wait, yes.  I used to buy books from Walden (?) and then return them after reading to exchange for a new book.  I can read a book and leave it in pristine condition afterwards.

In which of your pockets do you carry your wallet? I glad you weren’t paying attention since I already told you.  My back, left pocket.

Were you breast- or bottle-fed? I have no idea.  I suspect breast-fed.  It might explain some things.  What things it explains I have no ideas.

Can you write at all with your opposite hand? At all?  Yes.  Well?  No.

Do audiences affect your attempts to urinate or parallel park? Nope.  I can busta move and put a car just about anywhere even when it is only a few inches on either end to spare.

Do you rise to occasions, generally? I think this is a straight-up question.  Yes.  Although, like Beckam, my bends a bit to the left.

Butter or margarine? Butter.  Margarine is for?  I have no bloody idea what margarine is good for.

Do you bookmark or dog-ear your books? Dog-earring a book is a good way for me to beat you to sublime oblivion.  Bookmark every time.

How do you show love to what is your, by wearing it in or attempting to keep it pristine? A bit of both.

Do you mind losing battles? My hammer of Thor no!  But I do not mind losing an argument.

When was the last time you write a hand-written letter that was not a greeting card? About a year ago.  It was basically a book of sketches and letters to a single person.  Sort of intense, huh?  This might explain my predictable state of being single.

Have you ever collected unemployment? No.  Sounds nice, though.

Do you check the dates on coins? No.

Did you play sports? Did?  I still run a lot, but I am not sure that qualifies at least if we qualify sports with “team”.  My last serious team sport was ice hockey when I was still in high school.

If so, what was your preferred number? 18.

Were you a planned or unplanned pregnancy? Unplanned.

Do you save hangers from dry cleaners, amazed that they’re free? God, no.  I hate the things.  I wish I could bring them my own not because I love the environment, which I do, but because they are so f’ugly.

When pondering what things are free, do you always find yourself inhaling deeply through the nose, newly aware that air is free? No, but that is rather an interesting insight.

What actor(s) could you play? No one.

Are you a fast dresser? Yes.

Do you like to be the one who holds the tickets (for airplanes, moveis, et cetera)? Yes.

Do you trust others? To others I trust to a fault.  To myself I trust others just right.

What about doctors? Yes.

What is the worst ailment you’ve ever been diagnosed with? I was never diagnosed, but I knew that in getting into a serious relationship with my now ex-wife that she had herpes.  It sort of sucks.  But life moves on.

Have you ever been diagnosed with something? I think, dear sir, your question is, quite literally, out of order.  I think you are supposed to lead with this question.

How are you at metabolizing shamed? I love how this question is metabolized.  I think I am pretty good at in comparison to most people I know.

Where, in your calendar year, have the birthdays you celebrate tended to cluster? December.

April? What?  You want to acknowledge your birthday?

If you went to church as a kid, did you and your family sit in the front or in the back? I think we sat regularly about four to five pews from the front on the side of the lector.

What things have you been doing when you’ve received news that a loved on has passed on? Sleeping.

Can you sleep with socks on? Only if on the couch or when I am wearing pajama bottoms.  It has to be really cold for me to do so.

Can you place your place of birth by hearing your accent? I am told by people who grew in the Pacific Northwest that I have an distinct East coast accent for certain words; otherwise, I think my accent is fairly non-distinct.

What would you try to save in a fire? Myself and other people in the house.  Otherwise, my wallet, my camera and computer and myself.  Then let it all burn, baby, burn!

Do you wear non-winter hats? No.  I barely ever wear winter hats until this past year when I started wearing when I go out running when it is snowing or cold.

Pulpy or pulp-less orange juice? The pulpier [sic] the better.

Do you always watch for the longest day of the year and then miss it? Yes.  Always.  It happens so fast.

Do you miss lots of things you mean to see or do? Yes, but that is because I want to do or see a lot of things.

Events you meant to attend? Same deal.

Picnics involving babies? I love babies.  Babies love me.  Why would I miss a picnic with babies?

Do you even notice? The picnic or the babies.  I notice both.

Do you go to the gym? I used to go every day.  I now run every day.  I prefer to just work-out use the power of my mind.  I think I am huge and huge I become.

What is your favorite kind of nut? Unsalted, roasted almond.

Do you remove shoes upon entering? Yes; at least when I enter my home.  I will normally otherwise asks upon entering.

If no, are you annoyed when you walk into someone else’s home and find a pile of shoes and a note? Nope.  It is not like I am the one cleaning their floors?

Does walking on rattling street vents make you anxious? No.

Do you tell people when you’re ticked at them? Unfortunately I need this more often in a constructive manner.

How are you at judging clouds of the metaphorical variety, at discerning those which will blow over and those which will grow to take over the sky? I am getting much better and understanding the pattern of the weather in a metaphorical kind of way.  It is quite liberating since most storms, if there are any, are never really anything to be concerned by.

Is there anyone who likes washing silverware? No.  Only freaks like cleaning silverware.  But I love to otherwise clean, especially with anything that can handle Windex.

What celebrities have you met? Alton Brown.

What is your method for dealing with coins? Spend as you go?  Hoard?  Roll? I toss them into a jar and then I eventually trade them in for cash at one of those machines they have at grocery stores.  Or I might just give them all to the baristas at the cafe I frequent.

Are you a sucker for foreign accents? It depends on the accent.

Do you rearrange your furniture regularly? No.  But when I was a kid I did so nearly every month with my bed and bedroom furnishing.

Do you live in a place where furniture can be rearranged, or is there really one one logical place for everything? Certainly things can be rearranged, but I find the effort not worth it.  I like my arrangement the way it is.

What gift or gifts did you receive upon graduating high school? I do not recall.

Do you get mad when a drink is handed across a bar to you with too much ice? Yes.

Mad enough to send it back? If I specifically ask for no ice then yes.

Do you send meals back in restaurants or just suffer through them? It really depends how bad it is.  More than likely it will mean I will not revisit the restaurant.

Are there multiple languages in which you’re fluent? Yes.

Why did you leave your hometown, if you did? There is not much that I feel fits me when I am back East.  There are too many bits and pieces of my personality that are not a good culture fit.

What are you usually doing when it occurs to you to clip your toenails? When I am sitting at a chair at home and start picking at the toenails.  Then I get up and clip them.

Can you drive stick? Damn straight, Skippy!

If no, do you feel that this makes you inadequate? I am so glad I can skip this one.

How do you occupy your time when in a waiting room or on a train?  Books, magazines, music or just looking at people then looking away? I listen to music and read books or do a bit of people watching.

Ever French-kissed the inside of your elbow? Yes.  Oddly, I have.  I have no why idea, though.

Do you live in a place where tourists come? Yes.  Why they come is still a wonder to me.

Are you skilled at giving directions? No.  My idea of directions is to tell me to turn left at the yellow house with the white fence.  Or else just “go thatta way.”

Do you own a record player? Like for LPs?  No.  But I wish I had for the purposes of listening to the older, analog lushness that was LPs.  But then I would have to make space for them and start collecting them and I have seen where that can lead.

If so, have you owned one for long? Nope.

What celebrities do people insist that you look like? No one.

Is your name such that it is frequently mispronounced? Not that people mispronounce it, but they regularly think my name is “Wade.”  I hate that name.  Not that I hate people with that name, but my name is decidedly not “Wade.”  It is “Ward.”  Remember it, please.  Thank you.

Do you attempt to pronounce foreign words correctly, such as calling a crescent-shaped roll a cwaSAHN? It depends on where the word originates.  I definitely do this for Japanese words.  Sometimes for French word.  Occasionally for German words.  But otherwise no.

Do you like being an American (if you are one)? Do I have a choice?  Seriously, though.  Hating being from your own country is such a waste of emotion and energy since its attribution is arbitrarily tied to a government and not its people.  And I resonate with the people with me, not so legal-economic-system that is far removed from my daily realities.

Have you ever walked around carrying a bouquet of flowers just because you like the looks folks give you on the street? No.  But it is an interesting idea.

Are you accurate in determining the ages of children? No.

What age do you consider old? I think one year younger than me which is, as of today, 36.

How has it changed? It only recently changed, largely because I am having a hard time adjusting to being 37.  Up until last year I thought 85 was old.  But turning 37 changed all that.  I am not sure why other than the fact that I realized that on the average I am half-way through my life.

Ever just want to yank the gun from the cop’s holster? Yes!  Especially the tazer.  But I suspect it would not be the smartest thing I have done.  But sadly, not the dumbest, either.

When receiving bad service, as you inclined to think (“it happens”) that the server is just having an off day? Yes; at least, this is the case in the last couple of years after spending a lot of time around the service industry vis-a-vis cafes.

Can you spell (without looking it up) the word “hors d’oeuvre”? If I said yes you would never believe me; nor would I believe me.  I cannot spell just about anything.

Will you wait for a booth when a table is available? What is up with booths?  I prefer small tables off to the side.  I just do not get booths.  Are they more private?  Quieter?  I feel like I am with the mob when I sit in a booth or just some good fellas.  But I only notice distinction when the booth’s back is higher than a normal chair.

Will you step out of a shower to pee? I try to pee beforehand.  And now that the toilet is replaced I might.  But honestly, right down the drain does it.

When writing the number 2 do you loop the bottom? Never.

Surely at some point you’ve worn the clothing of the opposite sex? Yes; my then wife’s bikini.  For the people who did not immediately blackout the reports are that it was terrifying.

Have you ever lived in a room lit by a bare light bulb? Yes; Japan.  I could aso stretch out my arms and touch opposite walls simultaneously.  I actually miss it; bare minimum living is really not as bad as one might imagine it.  It certainly simplify much of your life to only the essentials.

If yes, when you opened the door and tugged that jump-back-upping beaded chain and saw the items of your life in that dimness, did you find it gloriously romantic or hilariously gloomy? I found it both fitting and ironic at the same time.

If you don’t live alone, is it you or someone else who changes the light bulbs? I change them both when single, as now, and when married, as previously.

Are you a good speller? Umm. No.

What physical skills have you lost? I think I have likely gained a few since I am healthier and fitter now than at any time in my life previous.  But I suspect I no longe have the same skills for ice hockey or kendo as I used to have.

Can you still touch your toes? Yes.

As a child, were you able to turn a cartwheel? Never.

Are you hard on people? I am told I hardest on myself.

What is the deepest water which you’ve been swimming? I have swam in parts of Skaneateles Lake in central New York.  But I honestly can freak myself right out of the water wondering with a great white will cut me in two even when I am in a pool with a depth of 8 feet.  Never, ever do that “dun-da dun-da” from JAWS or I will likely pulverize after waking from an epileptic fit.

You root privately for loose plastic drink lids, wind-blown and cartwheeling, to stay up, to keep rolling and rolling, don’t you? No.  I like to chase them down and stomp on them.  It seems funnier that way.

Do you think grades in school mattered? I think the processing of getting grades might matter in some instances; but, overall I found school an abyss of boredom.

Can you identify flowers? Yes; if I see one I think “There is a flower.”  I am quite good at it, actually.

Can you identify artists by paintings? A few artists but not many.

Do you eat the crusts of pizza or only when they’re excellent or you’re hungry? I pretty mich always eat the crust.  On a very rare occasion I will leave a bit of crust behind.

Do you eat other people’s crusts? If I know them well then yes.  Or I am really hungry.  Or I have had one too many beers.

Are you a member anywhere, of anything, as of a group of people that meets at a certain time and at a certain place? Yes.

What do you think about Communism? Like I think of fascism and any kind of totalitarism.  Stoopid [sic].

Can cans of whipped cream last long in your fridge? I make my whipped cream from scratch.  +1 for foodie snob (read me).

How is your self-control? I think it is well-above average for most things.

How is your cholesterol? Basically superhuman.

Have you ever spent a night in jail or been in a physical altercation as an adult? No.

Have you been cheated on? Yes.

How did you handle it? I only discovered afterwards.  By then we were already divorced. And because we were divorced it made it even easier; who the hell wants to be with a person who cheats?

if you could walk on stage as the lead singer of any band in any time period, who would it be? That is a difficult one.  Minus the lifestyle then I think Freddie Mercury of Queen.  Otherwise, Frank Sinatra.

When no one is looking, will you stick chewed gum to a chair or table bottom? No.  Unless it is your house.

When no one is looking, will you do really just about anything? I certainly feel less inhibited when no one is around or otherwise when I am around people I trust.

What is the most money you’ve ever found on a sidewalk or a street? Likely a Canadian quarter; which is to say nothing.

Can you tie a tie? Yes.

What about a bowtie? I have never tried but I am sure I can manage if I saw instructions.

In which stores have you ever imagined having shopping sprees? The Apple Store.  Best Buy.  Barnes & Nobles.  Porsche.

How are you at Trivial Pursuit? I used to be really good.  Nowadays I suck at it.

Crossword puzzles? The same.

Does making a good list ever like an accomplishment in itself? No.  But I do feel that way about diagramming something out.

Do you clip coupons or mail in rebates? No.

What’s your theory on why the martini glass is shaped the way it is? There is a theory for this kind of thing?

Do you like animals? For the most part.  They is good eating!  Especially the cuter they are the better they taste.

Do you find it beautiful when sidewalks begin to freckle with rain? Yes; but I love the smell of rain even more.

Seen from a high window, is there anything more lovely than when, all at once, umbrellas blackly bloom? I have never seen this but it does sound like a visual treat.

About what subject (other than yourself) do you possess the most knowledge? I know a lot about nothing.

Do you say caddy-corner or kitty-corner? Neither.  I say “kiddy-corner.”  I guess I just got schooled.

Isn’t it nice when a drinking fountain is cold and with the right pressure, when you push the metal button down and up pipes a sweet cold glassy little arc of water? Yes.

Have you ever been on fire? Yes, when I was younger.

You cuff or your hair? Both.

What is the worst you’ve ever been burned yourself? I still have a scare from when I grabbed a stainless-steel pan off the stove-top after it had been in the oven at a temperature of 450 degrees Fahrenheit.

Can you sing? Yes.  Albeit not well.

Do you find you begin singing along to songs you know always a bar or so too early? Unless there is a machine to prompt me I would not be able to sing along to a song.

About what things do you think you’re a snob? Food.  Books.  Health.

Which is snobbier, ballet or opera? Neither.

Poetry or croquet? No real opinion.  Are there many more of these questions?

How about football, beer, and buffalo wings as a little group? I love wings when I can get them done well.  I am allergic beer so I rarely drink it anymore.  And I really do not get football.

How about cigarettes and cities and streetlights and walking away in a leather jacket? Okay, does seem affected to me.

Do you use raincoats or umbrellas? Neither.  I live in Seattle.  At some point you realize that fighting getting wet is entirely useless.

Are your faucets tricky to the point where were an out-of-towner to use your shower, you’d feel the need to give a tutorial? No.

Are they trickly? Nope.

When dealing with a know, are you more likely to pass the knot to another, sign and say,”Can you get this?” or take the know from another and say, “I can get this”? The latter.  I have made skills with knots.  Actually, I am just obsessive compulsive.

Are you a take-charge type of person? I actually do not normally like leading.  But now that it is a part of my everyday job I have become accustomed to making decisions in their vacuum.

Are you good with jars? I can hold my own.

Have you ever thrown away a crusted pan as opposed to cleaning it? Only if the pan itself is throw-away.

What is the most difficult phone call you’ve had to make? Calling a girl when in high school to ask her out.  She said “yes”.  Two hours later she called back to say she had made a mistake.  Till this I feel devastated over it.

What is the most difficult test you’ve ever taken? My senior year class on compressible flow taught by Dr. Madea.  He said it took him 70 minutes to complete when he tried it.  He gave us 60 minutes.  I was the only one to complete the whole thing.  It is the only time in my entire life I ever studied for anything.  I think I done good.

Do you prefer aiming fans directly at your face or setting them on oscillate so as to best relish that all-to-brief rush of coolness? I prefer they oscillate or move air just tangential to my body; I otherwise cool down too much.

And when a fan turns away to, say, rustle an unpaid bill on the end table, do you follow it with your face as far as you can? Sometimes?  But normally I can feel my hearing follow it, as it were.

Do you sit and patiently wait? Yes.  I find waiting very relaxing.

How important is it for you to have things to look forward to? I think I crave it a lot; especially, recently when I question what this life is all about.  I am rather bored in a manner that is actually quite unsettling.

When did you cave in and buy a cell phone? I bought when I was in Japan back in 2000.  When I returned back to the U.S. I waited for a few years before finally getting one.  Now I likely cannot survive without one.

Do you mind getting shots or having blood taken? I look forward to donating blood.  And I grew up shots for allergies.

How many people have you called your best friend? About a dozen or so.

Do the number of beaches you’ve been on exceed your fingers? Yes; but, I am not really a beaches for basking-in-the-sun moments.

Does a sense of true self-worth feel like the light from a lighthouse, a sudden enveloping golden feeling that soon moves on, too fast to chase? Yes.

Who is your wealthiest relative? I do not know.

Who is your poorest? I do not know.

Do you have snort when you laugh? Yes.  A lot.

How are you at building fires? I think I am better than most but I am no McGuyver.

How about changing flat tires? I am not sure I have ever tried to change a tire.

Till what age do you hope to live? That changes by the day.  Somedays I think tomorrow wouldn’t be so bad.  Somedays I think as long as I still have my health which, given the genetic disposition of my family, will be sometime in my 80s or 90s.

Have you found this has changed with time? Not really.  There are days when I love life.  There are days when I do not feel much of anything.  It is not even really depression as it is a general apathy.

When eating Asian cuisine, do you ask for a fork? No.  I always use chopsticks even when even the Asians are using forks.  I guess I am a chopstick snob.

Do you bite or clip your nails? I wish I clipped them more; I am a horrible biter.

Did you like high school? It was the worst four years of my life.  So I guess no.

When walking or driving with a companion in a place where your companion is familiar and you are not, do you tend not to pay any attention whatsoever? I think I am pretty much an observer all the time.

Were you cruel or the object of cruelty as a child? I was the object.

The object of cruelty, right? What!?  You read my mind!

Aren’t children awful? Adults can be worse.

What’s the longest you’ve ever consecutively slept (not counting when you were sick)? Maybe 12 or 14 hours but I think I did it once years ago.

Is your skin sensitive? Yes.

Do you set down sheets of toilet paper before sitting down on public toilets? No.

Have you ever carved initials into wet cement? No; but it sounds fun.

What about thrown a grocery cart or brick off of a bridge? No that specifically, but we used to grab shopping carts from the passenger seat of a car and then accelerate while aiming them at a light post in the parking lot.  At the very last moment possible we’d release the cart and let it smash into the post, hopefully wrapping it around the post.  The metal carts will do this.  The plastic ones will ricochet wildly, so much so that the side of your car is jeopardy as one evening years ago will attest to.

At what age (or ages) do you feel that you were at your stupidest, by which I mean proudest? I think I did a lot of stupid things while living in Japan, especially the second time from 1995 to 1996.

Do you make it a point to go somewhere to watch fireworks? From time to time and from year to year I get the craving to go and see fireworks.

Are there certain blocks you avoid because of memories? I try to never let memories interfere with my life; but, for awhile I refused to return to North Seattle where I currently live due to the memories.

What is the oldest object (man-made) you’ve ever held? I held a box within contained within it a hand-written diary that some many hundreds of years old.

Biggest vehicle you’ve ever driven? F250, I think.  Or maybe it was a F350 van.

Does your alarm clock wake you noise or radio? I normally wake a minute or so before the buzzer goes off.

Can you think of a particular mirror in which you appear particularly ugly or particularly attractive? I am one very handsome dude.  Actually, I think I am pretty average-looking fellow.  And I have never thought about I might appear more or less attractive relative to a mirror.  Isn’t a mirror a mirror?

Do you find whatever season is next (spring, winter, fall summer) sounds pretty good? Yes.

In which have the majority of your memories clustered? Spring and Fall.

Do you tend (or did you tend) to date people older or younger than yourself? I have tended to date people my age or younger.  I have done on dates with people of all ages to some 15 years younger to 20 years older.  I agree with people who say people of a similar age are more likely to find happiness with each other, I still find that people are people and love is love regardless of (consenting) age.

Are you thrown when the time changes? I never notice nowadays since all the electronics in my life do it automatically for me.

Are you close with anyone bi-polar? Not that I am aware of, although I think for years I exhibited traits of it.

Are you bothered by insects? I used to hate them.  Nowadays I almost find them comforting, especially spiders in my home.  I feel less lonely and I have this sense of familiarity, even familial connectedness, to them.

Have you ever noticed how, when the subject is bugs, the size of the bug will keep increasing? Dude, bugs are bigger than houses.  Everyone knows this.

Have you ever participated in a parade? Yes.  I have even participated in a procession as a part of an ancient ritual at a shrine in Japan.  Now beat that!

Which of the earth’s creatures would you least like to see granted to set of wings?  An alligator?  A shark?  A snake? A shark.  But it would quickly die unless it was also granted air-breathing lungs.

Which of the earth’s creatures would you most like to see granted a set of wings?  The turtle? What is this?  Some vague reference to Mario Brothers?

Are you ever, while eating something messy, able to look down your face and actually see the food particles on it? Not in recent memory.

Was farting an acceptable activity in your household? Sadly, yes.  My mother once entered a room with me and my friend.  She promptly laid us out and then, without missing a beat, asked us what we wanted for dinner.

Were you tall, short, or medium as a kid? Tall but fat so I think proportionate-wise  I came across as medium.

Did you go through phases (tye-dyed tee shirts and reggae music, then goth, then job, say), or have you been mostly the same over the course of your life? I think I have stayed the course and been myself most of my life.

At what age did you reach you present height? I suspect when I was 15 or 16 years old.

Do you own a washing machine and drier? Yes.  I cannot live without one.

Do you believe (or have you ever believed) in heaven? I am not sure I ever really believed, although I tried for awhile for my mother’s sake.  But I became an atheist in my teen years, although it took me nearly two decades before I would make that declaration explicitly.

What technique do you most commonly use when striking a match? Folding the book over?  Two matches at once? I normally just strike one match at a time with a motion away from my body.  Did I mention I have caught on fire?

Are you skilled at eating crabs and lobsters? No.  But I like to eat them nonetheless.

How are you with the metric system, or, if that’s your system, with the English system? I use the metric for some things and the English system for others.  I am a typical American engineer who likes to think he has a grasp of the metric system when in fact we are just mightily confused.

What magazines do you get? None at the moment.  But in the past I have subscribed to Astronomy, Sky & Telescope, Scientific America and MacTech.  Do you per chance detect a theme? If I buy something at the newsstand then I get the Japanese graphic science magazine Newton.

Which do you read standing up in drugstore aisles? Nothing.  I have not been in a drugstore in ages.

What’s your favorite color of popsicle? I note not flavor.  But I am sucker for both red or blue.  I think red since I prefer the “cherry” flavor.

When encountering a huge and many-roomed house, do you ever want just to find a remote room in its upstairs and hide? Yes; all the time.

What would you do in there? I would read a book.  Or lay on the floor within the beams of light through a window and take a nap.

Regardless, why is there so much delight in the though that who days might pass before you were found? Am I still alive when they find me?

Have you ever had a load of laundry ruined by a pen? No, but I have had one ruin a shirt.

Have you ever run out of gas? No.

Have you ever been a victim of burglary? Once. Someone stole my Walkman, and more disturbingly, my copy of Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side of the Moon”?

Do you think you could mug someone? No.

Do you think you could kill if it came to that? Without a doubt.  Isn’t it interesting that something so minor as a mugging is hard, but killing is so easy in our minds?

What type of food have you eaten the most, would you guess?  Pizza, chicken? Pizza.  I am from New York state; enough said.

Close your eyes: how many living rooms have you memorized? Seven off of the top of my head.

Could you please call to mind at least two or three and hold them a moment? Yes.

Can you flip your eyelids inside out? Thankfully no.

What was your best Halloween costume? I think when my parents dressed me up as Superman and I pulled behind me on my red wagon a cardboard-box of a telephone booth.  At the time, I think I was four, I hated it, though.

When you imagine your own funeral, does the thought of certain acquaintances in the same room worry you? No.

Have you ever picked up a hitchhiker? No.

Have you ever been a hitchhiker? No.

How much stock do you put in the Zodiac? None.  But it can be fun to read from time to time.

Are your earlobes attached? No.

Can you recall the first time you saw snow, or was it something you were born into, a blurry awareness that snow was a feature of this world you lived in? I was about three or four when I first recall skiing and snow.  I absolutely love a cold, sunny snow day; there is no better smell and feeling of being warm inside and cold on your cheeks.

Can you recall the last number of candles on your birthday cake equaled the number of years you’d been alive? My mother used to buy the actual digits so my birthday cakes normally only had one or two candles.  The last time I had a cake with my birthday number on it was likely when I was 16 or 17.

Could you, right now, name the location of your social security card? Yes.  But I am not going to tell you.

Can you read music? Yes; although not well.   Nevertheless, my fingers still remember how to move when I read sheets of music for the violin.  It seems to be a nearly autonomic kind of thing, the reading of the music and playing of it.

Do you give in when people plead? Likely more often than I should.

Why isn’t it a law that the street address of every house and building be clearly marked and in an identical place, such as is the licens plate on a car? Because you cannot get away with a house.

What percentage of your life would you say you spend alone and recollecting? Most of it.

Okay, you have a plate of cake and ice cream: do you go with a spoon, with a fork, or with both? Fork.  I use the cake to sop up the ice cream as it melts.  But it does feel a bit odd to fork ice cream into my mouth like it is some how an aberration to nature to do so.

Do you have al your original adult teeth? With the exception of my wisdom teeth, yes.  Although I do have one capped tooth.

When you enter a bathroom and find urine in the toilet, are you inclined to flush before you use it yourself? No.  I find it really wasteful even if it is still, umm, occupied.

Does it depend upon whether you know the person who left it, upon the yellowness of the substance? Good point.  If I know the person I may not flush.  And if it is yellow I just leave it till when I am done and flush.

In one of those of wholiest [sic] of pursuits, I recently stumbled upon, rather metaphorically of course, a challenge, or more so a request, that I know not how to resist.  This challenge?  I am glad you ask.  The challenge, simply put, is to answer all the questions posted by Matthew Yeager’s A JAR OF BALLOONS or THE UNCOOKED RICE.  So levied I accept; although given the sheer number of questions, I fully suspect that this will take me five or more sittings to complete in full.

Have you ever had a haircut so bad you cried? Yes.  I was maybe 6 or 7 when an Italian barber who lived in our neighborhood decided that all young boys needed a butchered job with a clipper and to whom my unsuspecting and naive mother readily gave me over to.  You know the style of barber: old school.  No older.  You need to go back to the days when barber and surgical butcher were one and the same to get my meaning of “old school”.  I think I cried not so much because he found and subsequently unleashed every cowlick on my head, but the fact that the place smelled of sweat and musk and old men splashed with too much tonic and too little sense to see that yelling at a child is the best way to assuage their obvious near catatonic fear.

When you open the drawer after having poured yourself a bowl of cereal, do you reach for a small or large spoon? Large.  Have you even seen the size of my mouth?  I could use two large spoons and still have room to talk to you.

How conscious are you of your posture? It depends.  I try very hard to maintain good posture, but I blow it anytime I get really engrossed in something I am doing such as writing or artwork.

Will you agree to let a lover use your toothbrush? Yes.  Sort of.  I am sure I have had worst things in my mouth, but frankly it would be a one-off kind of thing.  And I’d never ask to use theirs.  That is gross.

Which chemicals’ smells do you like? Roasted coffee.  Lavendar.  Garlic on my skin after eating it.  Smell of ice or snow on a really cold morning in the middle of a field.  Manure in the Spring driving through farmland.  Firewood and leaves being burned in the Fall.  Washed hair.  The acrid, talcum smell of an aroused woman.  Warm apple pie.

During which phase of life did you acquire the bulk of your friends? I am always meeting new people and making new friends, albeit a slow, incremental pace.  I think the closest I came to an “inflationary period” would be from my year in Japan during in 1995 to when I graduated from SUNY Buffalo in 1998.

Have you ever quit a bad job emphatically, ripped off a uniform or apron, thrown the balled-up cloth at a superior, then stomped off? Given the specificity of the question then to the letter then I must say no.  But I did quit a small, family-owned burger and ice cream joint where I worked at when in high school after a night of comedic absurdity.  I was short-order cook at the time when, due to the fact that one of the burners had never been correctly cleaned underneath, ignited into a grease fire.  When I hit the emergency shutoff button, neither the gas cutoff nor integrated extinguisher worked.  I later found out that the system had never been installed correctly; likely various officials’ palms had been, metaphorically (and rather ironically), greased. When I went to grab the recently re-certified fire extinguisher I discovered that the handle was broken and was thus as-is inoperable.  My only known option involved me quite literally placing my thumb on the button and lifting my entire body (some 300 pounds) off the ground on said thumb to apply sufficient pressure to open the valve.  I then had to tilt and put out the by-then raging grease fire.  When I did manage to get things under control I had fire retardant foam practically everywhere.  Given that we were closing in less than two hours I decided to shut down the kitchen and clean everything up with the intent to not re-open.  The owner’s son, ever “competent”, called me to let me know I had to clean everything up and re-open even if for only for a few minutes.  I kindly told him in no uncertain terms that that would not happen and that I was quitting as of the end of my shift.

Grey or gray? This is the hardest question thus far.  Can I come back to this?

Who most often terminates your telephone conversations, you or the person to whom you’ve been speaking? I believe the other person.  I am not too good at closure.

In your bad dreams do you ever throw the slow motion punch? No.  But I do, on occasion, have that slow running feeling, or flying but just above the ground and I am not able to go any higher.

Are you punctual? I am normally a few minutes early.  Growing up we used to say “5 minutes early is on time, on-time is late, and late is unacceptable.”  Since living in Seattle for the past 13 years I have acclimated myself to not worrying too much about punctuality except while at work.

Is your signature legible? My legal signature is barely legible, however my casual signature is very legible.  I always think I have sloppy hand-writing, but a lot of people, even random strangers peering over my shoulder, have commented on how legible and precise my handwriting is.  Granted and in spirit of the original question I acknowledge that one’s signature is not the same as one’s own handwriting.

Have you ever had a birthday go uncelebrated? Yes.  My 30th birthday.  My then wife had sent me an IM while I was abroad in Japan to tell me she was divorcing me.  Three weeks later, one night before my 30th, I returned home to an empty house.  I spent my 30th birthday alone, surrounded by strangers.  Nowadays I have month-long celebrations of my birthday, both with myself and my friends.  It is not like I need an excuse to go out to the symphony or dine out, but it is nice to wrap it in the excuse of celebrating your own birthday.

What’s the largest TV set you’ve ever lived with? I currently own a 50″ plasma.  It more than enough.  I use it more to display my photographs while listening to music.  But it is nice when friends are over to watch a movie together.

Showers or baths? Showers.  But!  But, I love Japanese-style (i.e. soaking) baths.  The hotter the better, too.

How much cash do you like to carry? Very little as I pay nearly everything with a credit card.  But I do carry cash in order to tip the baristas at Cafe Solstice and Victrola Cafe where I frequent.

Ever been knocked unconscious? Yes.  I was on a futon couch/bed next to a window.  I was talking out said window onto the porch where my sister was sitting.  I must have applied too much downward force as the couch decided to fold out into a bed whereby my chin hit the window’s ledge.  I blacked out for a few seconds only to awake to my sister standing over me in tears of laughter.  Thanks, sis.  I love you, too.

One larger winter coat or layers? Layers.  What if I want to go run and I need to peel off a few layers?

If you cross paths with someone walking a dog, do you talk first to the person or the dog? The person.  I drop my hand so the dog can smell me and then I ask the owner before engaging the dog.

Do you eat or give away pickles? I eat ’em.  And I will eat yours, too, if you are not careful.

What’s the highest floor on which you’ve ever lived? I believe it was the ninth floor of my dormitory during my junior year at SUNY Buffalo.  We had a single, narrow window out on to the courtyard with nothing obstructing us but blue sky.  I thought either they thought very highly of us or else were very naive about the various stresses and absurdities that drive undergraduates to doing stupid things from those heights.

Who is your most promiscuous friend? Most of my friends are now married and monogamous.  I do not know all the particulars of all my friends’ past relationships, but it may be that I was the most promiscuous of the lot.  Does make me a slut?

Do you get jittery during airplane turbulence? No.  Part of my background is aerospace engineering, and after working at Boeing I am more concerned with what the mechanic did (or did not do) than whatever the weather might effect on us.  Anyway, I can think of worse ways to go.

How jittery? Not at all.

Do you still drink glasses of milk? Absolutely.  The best thing in the world is a glass of cold, whole (cow or goat) milk.  Better yet is when it is combined with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

How many people have lived with you? This question is sort of vague, but I think it is asking how many people have I co-habitated with while in a serious relationship.  If so then two other persons; both of whom I married and then subsequently got divorced from.

How’s your balance? Better than many but worse than some.  While I am average on balance, I have mad, mad skills for suddenly stopping mid-stride and holding the pose.  I agree with you; that is cool.

Have you ever ridden in a limousine? When I was younger I thought that riding in a limo was a sign of making it big.  Nowadays I would only ride in one for the irony.

What are the chances, would you say, of you becoming, one day, the president of anything?  Greater than none? I am already the president of the SUNY Buffalo chapter for Society of Slackers.  Granted, they have not convened to vote me in, but I am a shoe in given all the campaigning I have been doing for the past 15 years.

When did you learn to write checks? I think my father taught me when I was less than 16 years old.  I felt so grown up.  I am not sure what all the fuss was when I think back on it.  Nowadays I have Mickey Mouse and other characters on my checks.  My previous set had prints of Superman.

Can you accurately size up the square footage of a room? Yes.  Eerily so, including backyards.

What games do you play with small children you meet (such as faking snatching off their noses by poking a thumb between fingers)? Yep, I do that.  And there are the supermans, and rocket liftoffs, and tossing them gently up into the air, and flipping them about, and running around in circles, and letting them crawl over me, and paint my face, and hide and seek, and generally I will do whatever they are doing.  It is not uncommon that the grown-ups at parties ask me to quiet down because I am riling up all the kids.  Sometimes grownups can really suck.  I am so outta here when I am 18.

Where you live is the night sky starry? We have moments of starry nights, but not to the degree and extent that satisfies me.  But I have had a love of all things astronomy, especially astro-physics, since a child.  I have owned telescopes and I hope to one-day find some land, even if only to put a small cottage on it, where I can see the stars even if only on weekends when I leave the city and work behind for a small reprieve.

How high can you kick? In my head I am a ninja who can kick clear to my backside.  Anyone sneaking on me from behind?  Bam!  I just kick, and without even turning around, I hit them in the head.  Bad ass, huh?  In reality I think I might make it to the height of my nose or forehead and with the form of a four-year-old who really thinks he is a ninja.

Have you wasted much thought as to what you’d do were money suddenly no limitation? Jesus, this is like asking me what I want to do when I grow up.  It is all I think about.  I do not mean to sound flippant but money is so bourgeoisie.  We need it because we live in a world of limited resources, but I otherwise try to ignore it.

Cake or sugar cones? In order of preference, I prefer freshly made waffle cones and next sugar cones, but never cake cones.

Are you quick with your wit, or do comebacks tend to always to arrive hours later? I wish my wit remained as inside words, which is to say that I am fairly quick of wit.

Do you keep your photos in albums or shoeboxes? A bit of both.  Nowadays I keep all my photos online since I am creature of the digital (photography) age.

Are you handy? Yes; with myself and with tools.

Do you cross the street to avoid groups of young men at night? No.

Have you ever been a part of one of these groups and watched others cross streets as a result of you? No.  I never walk in large groups.  I have seen people be wary of me when I am alone on a street, but that is in part due to the fact that we are both out walking at 5 in the morning.

Do you match and ball socks or just dump them, en masse, into the drawer? I match and ball my socks.

Do you bisect your sevens with one of those squiggly hyphens? Not often, but I like to do so with zeros.

Have you gravitated, traditionally, toward the top of the bottom bunk? Top.  I like being on top.

Is it your tendency to order the same dish over and over or mix it up? I tend to mix it up when I am dining out.  When at home I have a core set of meals I prefer which I incrementally vary.

Are you easy or hard to shop with? Easy.  I can go hours when I am with another person to help them shop.  I actually find it quite relaxing when I am not the one doing the shopping.

Is your bed up against a wall, or does it sit in the center of a room, accessible from both sides? I think the question is poorly phrased, but I will answer what I think is being asked and say the head-end of the bed is up against the wall and situated to the middle of the wall so people can access it from either side.

Do you own any pieces of monogrammed attire? No, and if I did it would be for the irony.

Aisle or window seat? Window seat on longer flights so I can get up and walk about.  Aisle on shorter flights so I can stare out at the view.

When eating out, do you set your knife atop your plate and change hands? Yes, when I am at a particularly nice venue or when I am intentionally trying to dine and not merely eat.  I find the act is a great forcing function to keep me in the moment with whomever I am dining and conversing with.

What’s your favorite cuss word? Fuck.

How long did you call your parent’s home your home. Right up to the day I left to go to Japan for a year.

How are you at keeping track of which acquaintances you’ve told which thing that happened to you? I am sort of good at it, but I do not worry too much about repeating myself.  I am pretty certain I am always the most interesting person in the room at any given moment.

Do you recycle? Do I have a choice?  I live in Seattle; we have compost, recycle and landfill bins in the cafe I am presently sitting at.  Yes.

Do you think that every Bic light you see, when in the hands of a friend, likely once belonged to you? Wow, that is the wierdest question I have heard in awhile.  No.  Never.  (Maybe this is the kind of thing that consumes the minds of smokers?)

How are you at not losing pens? I am pretty good at keeping track of the better pens I own.  In particular, I have a roll-out case for my pencils and pens.  People often think I am a surgeon at first glance.  It is not uncommon for someone to quip about something called “Dexter”, whatever that means.

When making a shooting-yourself gesture, do you do the gun barrel with two fingers or one? I had to just check but definitely two-fingers.  One finger makes me feel like an idiot.

Do you insert the finger-gun into your mouth or press it to your temple? Temple.  I have read of people surviving both styles of suicide, but I suspect a square temple shot is better guaranteed to do the job.  Even in jest it is best to take measure of the facts, right?

Do you cut up plastic six-pack can holders so as to save fish? I never buy beer or soda in cans let alone drink them, but if I did I would.

What colors have you painted rooms? Mint.  Sage green.  Midnight blue.  Deep, deep red.  Townhouse tan.

When driving by cows, do you give in to the urge to moo? How else can you say hello?

What is the most valuable (to you) possession you’ve ever lost or had stolen? A pencil case I had since my time in Japan and owned for nearly two decades.

Do you miss it? Yes.

Would you rather just stay in the car? No. I rarely ever ride in a car as I more often ride the bus, walk or drive the car.   Even at a gas station, I will get out as a passenger in order to help out by cleaning the windows.

Do you always know the day of the week? No.  If my iPhone did not tell me I’d have almost no idea.  My week is broken into weekday and weekend.

Are you ashamed, like admitting you don’t read the newspaper, when you’re way off the mark (though, in truth, the most you can be off is two days?) No.  Quite to the contrary, I think it is great that days of week and other such temporal considerations do not consume me.

What about dates? I am even worse with dates.

Do you find you have to ask aloud every time you’re at the bank or when you’re on the grocery store floor, attempting to pick out milk? Yep.  And if I do not ask then I have to use my iPhone.

Isn’t it nice how willing people are to tell you the date? Yes.  And I appreciate their sacrifice of the brain cells to store that bit of information for my free consumption.

Do you have any “original” items in your home, anything with a total production limited to one? Yes.  I commissioned my best friend to create a piece of art for my current home.  And while I can make an infinite number of copies of my photography, all my rooms have my photography and artwork hanging on the walls.

Are you accurate at guessing people’s weights and ages? I used to be pretty good at this when I was a teenager, but I think I can no longer do it well.  People, especially their ages, sort of blend together for me.  I am not sure which is cause or symptom, but I suspected it is related to the fact that I have friends whose ages span 20 to 55.  Certainly, most people never guess my weight (185 lbs) or age (37).

Do you take into consideration their feelings with guessing? I try to guess the weight or age I think they want (or wish) to be.  So I guess that means I do take their feelings into consideration.  (Strange, when I first read this question I was thinking I was callous about guessing.  Isn’t it funny the things we learn about ourselves?)

Can you fall asleep on your own at the end of the day, or do you need “help”? I can do it on my own.  How is that for dissembling?  N.b., I love to “help”, too.

Look at your fingernails: did you just stretch out all five fingers, palm out, or did you fold your fingers down over your inward facing palm? The former; I just stretched them out.

About what parts of life do you have anxiety about having anxiety? I worry that I worry too much about meeting a person to share my life with.  I know, at some deep level, that it will happen when it will happen.  Which is to say, I will meet her when I am least looking and ergo I should just let things ride themselves out to their natural (and eventual) conclusion.  Nevertheless, I do spend a lot of time cogitating upon her, whoever she may be.  I also worry that, on average, my life is already half over and that I have squandered this gift of life.  This worry is connected back into finding someone to love since I would hate to spend the rest of my life alone.  It is not that being alone is lonely, but I think I, and by “I” I mean we as humans, are meant to be solely solitary creatures.

Do you have a system when it comes to pockets, or do you blindly dump in coins, lighter, i-pod, phone, smokes, etc., then fish around each time? I definitely have a system for organizing my things in my house.  As for my pockets, my only real rule I follow is that my keys go in one pocket and my iphone goes in the other pocket so as the keys do not scratch it.  And my wallet has to be in my back, left pant pocket or I else feel unbalanced or otherwise missing something.  The only time I do not miss my wallet outside is when I am running.  I have tried putting my wallet on my right-side as an experiment; it sort of freaked me out.  I swore I was going to tip over to the left in my seat.

Blue or black pens? Black.  Preferably my fountain pen.

Chunky peanut butter or smooth? I buy the crushed peanuts.  I am hardkore [sic].

When eating bananas, do you peel them nude at the outset or peel as you eat? I peel them from the outset since I do not take too much time to eat them.  And I eat a lot of them.

Do you tear into wrapped presents or open them nearly with the spoken intent to save the paper? If the gift giver is nearby I am restrained, neatly opening the paper.  But I never save the paper.  Otherwise, when by myself I rip into them.

Do you currently own a phone with a cord? No.  Yes, but only if you consider the recharger’s cord.

AM or FM radio? Pandora.

In school, did you pack or buy lunch?  Both.  My mother would make me sandwiches, but they only varied by the school year.  One year I would get peanut butter and jelly every day.  When I complained and asked for some variety she would deliver; the next year I got bologna for the entire year.  And when I could finally convince her to let me buy at school?  Pizza for the next four years.

Have you ever made a scrapbook? Yes.  When I first lived in Japan I had an enormous scrapbook that ended up being some eight inches thick when I finally finished it.  I still enjoying showing select persons and I secretly love it when they ask me to show it to them.

What famous landmarks have you found especially disappointing? Mount Rushmore.  I think I spent all of five minutes walking to the observation area only to leave.  I remember this disappointment most sharply since days leading up to it there was a budding anticipation of seeing a grand construction writ large in stone, and when I finally did see it with my own eyes I found it neither grand (at least relative to what I had built up in my mind) nor as majestic as even some minuscule waterfalls known only to the farmer who tells you of it as you pass over his lands.

Which do you (or would you) find more embarrassing: crying in public by yourself on a bench, or laughing out loud in public by yourself on a bench? Crying.  I laugh out loud (for those younger person in the crowd, read LOL) all the time.

Would you rather drive or be driven? I love to drive, but I love it when I can be driven, especially on long road-trips, so I can enjoy the scenery.

Ever just want to spit in someone’s face, though you actually really like the person? Dude!  No!

Do you engage strangers in conversations on airplanes? Not regularly, but it does happen from time to time.

If no, it’s odd, isn’t it, when the time comes to accept peanut packets or order sodas and you hear their voices? No, not really.

Ever wished (if you are right-handed) that you could be left-handed? I wish I could be both-handed (yes, I mean ambidextrous!) so if I ever have to fight with a sword I will be able to toy and then ultimately triumph over my foes like Iñigo Montoya.

Do you measure distance in miles or minutes? If I am running then I measure in kilometers.  If I am driving I measure in miles.  If I am walking I tend to measure in minutes.

Is there anything that feels nicer touching the back of the hand than a tassel? I appreciate it is clichéd, but I love the light touch of another person’s touch.

What about gently blown breath? That is pretty good, too.

Are you in bed at a similar time each night? It really depends on my mood.  I think it varies from day to day although I suspect that by-and-large I will, on average, be to bed somewhere between 10pm and midnight most days of the week.  On a rare evening where I get deeply involved in a book or art I may stay up till I pass out which may be as late as (or early, depending on your point of view) as 5am.

Do you imagine sleep as a kind of rising (you are a basket being pulled gently up in a hot air balloon) or as a kind of sinking (you are a flat stone no longer skipping, disappearing through layers of lake)? Wow, I never thought of it as anything other than as sinking deep into water.  Who thinks of its as being rising?  I wonder what that feels like.

Can you ice skate? Yes.  I learned how to ice skate when I was thirteen after me and my parents moved to Skaneateles from Fairport.  I spent every day after school at the town skating ring.  I recall started the ice hockey season barely able to keep upright and on my feet to ending the season able to maintain a certain amount dignity while playing against others who had been playing (and skating) since the age of 3.  I never rose to star player, but I believe I grew to be a competent player by the time I stopped playing sometime around the age of sixteen.

Do you own a bathrobe? No.  But I sometimes think it would be cool, especially if I ever build for myself a Japanese-style soaking bath.