Root

Last weekend I started a new campaign by a local DM and sadomasochist (I’ll return to this in a bit) at Secret Lair of Chelan, and is only appropriate I started a new character, Root.

Background to Backstory

I have a confession to make. I was half tempted to just roll a Level 1 and re-hash one of my old favorites such as Unnis, the dragonborn sorcerer who loves cinnamon rolls and yellow wine, or Stone, my innocent warforged, my equally innocent fallen Aasimar paladin, Erel, or even my more recent Kazumichi, a kensai from Pathfinder but set to 5E rules. My rational at the time was that I was not sure how much time I would be committing to the drop-ins, and partly I had forgotten to come prepared and only had 60 minutes before the session started to conjure something out of the ether, my head, or in this case D&D Beyond.

But never one to back done from a self-induced challenge, I opened up D&D Beyond and threw proverbial pen to paper and out came Root. Root was largely just born out of the decision to do something different than what I normally play, which is focused on damage output at the expense of all other considerations. Some might call it a play-style, I think of it more as a player defect.

One thing I love about RPG is just the randomness of it all. It’s a place where the rules are more like bumpers in bumper cars, keeping you from going entirely off the track, but not meant to stop you from trying. The roll of the dice force you, pardon the pun, to roll with the punches and improvise on the spot. And creating a character without a clear picture in mind at the start, it’s fun to see where you’ll end and who’ll find at the end of it all. It’s also lazy, but I’m not going to admit to you, dear reader.

Backstory, The Making of

As I was filling out Root’s character sheet and desperately trying to not min/max him to death (did I mention that player defect of mine?), I came to the section where you are asked for backstory. Again, I did not have any specifics in mind with Root other than to play a class I had not played before. And while I did not think backstory was going to be entirely relevant to these gaming sessions, I thought some amount about loose threads that would help me flesh Root out once we got rolling.

I tend to just play characters that act like I would in real-life; in equal parts due to I’m not creative in that way, partly due to I’m autistic and theory of mind is rough for me, and partly just because I hate having to pretend to be something I am not, even when given permission. I learned decades ago from my on the local high school stage, and I might add in my own estimation phenomenal success, to just act from parts already in me. Aside, I wonder what it says about me that I played Dr. Bester from Up the Down Staircase and Horace Gilmer, the prosecuting attorney in To Kill a Mockingbird? Truth be told, I was/am a horrible actor but I did have both 300 pounds of mass and a lot of bottled up teenage anger that was a good basis for parts that required a thunderous voice on stage. But I digress. Root started to form from my own persona living as a stranger in a strange land, sans the messianic undertones that reference implies.

The Seed of a Backstory

While we’ve been 10 years in the Chelan valley, I’ve worked remotely from a home office the entirety of that time. And given we have not been able to have children, outside the raising of our two Great Dane dog’ters, Sora and Kumo, we don’t have a natural circle of friends which might occur organically in the daily grind of raising children. Compounding all this, I’m reserved and introverted, and it’s not hard to imagine Root as an interloper of sorts. And of course, this is not a new sensation but one I’ve felt the entirety of my five decades. Add to fact that I live clear across the country from where I was born and raised, and you can start to see the similarities to myself and Root as a far traveler. Even the random selection of a “bird flute” as one of his instruments he plays as a Druid, has turned into a part of a deeper backstory. Gawd, I love this game.

The Backstory

I imagine Root as an odd child elf growing up. His real name is unimportant, since the name he earned is the one he bears today. He was curious as a child, insatiable to get to, well, the root of things. He never stopped asking why, or digging, quite literally and proverbially, at things till he understood the deeper meaning. And while others named him Root for these reasons, as he grew older the meaning took on new meaning. He became the friend to the forgotten ones, the unseen ones, the ignored ones of the forest. And for these, the roots are where their homes start and extend. For the mice, for the birds, for the toads and frogs. Even to those that burrow underneath, the worms and the spiders and the insects. He is friends to them all, even as his heart is dearest to the simple wood mice and sparrows who keep him constantly apprised of the goings-on, both under foot and over head. And while he’s very adept at squeaking his way through a conversation with mice, he indeed quite literally needs his bird-flute to communicate effectively with the fowl folks he meets. And if you think there was a play on words in that last sentence, you’d right. Some fowl are really foul; just look up the reproductive behaviors of ducks to learn what I mean. But I digress.

Root has now traveled so far from where he was born, under bough and over root, to find himself in a new land with new people. He never quite settles, even if he lingers in a place for along while. He cannot help himself in this way. Curiosity always get him, making him wonder what is past yesterday’s sunset or this morn’s sunrise. But now, he content to discover what the folks of this wayward tavern and its’ slime mold infestation have in store for him.

Making of a Portrait

Given that I share so much with Root, it seemed fitting I would sit for my own reference photos. Also, I’m inexpensive (free) and available. Also, I’m sure I’m a bit vain.

I started with a quick portrait generated by AI. It’s actually amazing what you can produce with a few words in under 30 seconds from your computer. I cannot say it’s a horrible portrait for Root, but it lacked the more rugged nature I envisioned for him. Nevertheless, it was a good start with a starting session only 10 minutes away.

Aside, I absolutely have zero issues using AI using it. (Okay, I have concerns but I’m also very pragmatic and fairly nuanced given I operate in this space leveraging AI for mental health therapy as a co-founder/CTO). And I appreciate the sensitivity people have around it, especially established artists and creators whose specific style or tone can now be duplicated with a few strokes who were hoovered by Big Tech with nary a thank you let along contract for royalties based on IP. But toothpaste and trying to put it back in and all that jazz hands apply. Aside, if you love an artist or author buy their work and patronize them; don’t use AI to plagiarize their style, no matter how tempting it is. PSA done.

But in all seriousness, what I love more than playing a character is illustrating them. So, the real secret why I scrambled to roll a new character was that I wanted a seed of an idea for my next piece of artwork.

As noted above, I play characters that represent aspects of me. There are universal themes such as free will that come up in all of my characters. And sometimes you can see me more directly in a portrait such as with Kazumichi (or 和道) which is the name I adopted for myself while living and working in Japan. But I think Root may be the closest I’ve come, at least externally, to largely being my alter ego, is really just me as I see myself in my fifth decade of life. I am not nature person per se, but I’m most open under open skies and open roads. I grew up being bullied, and I see in myself a pattern of having both a soft spot and protective tendencies to all of us who are unseen or ignored, or are underestimated and not part of the mainstream. In this way, Root’s connection to the small mice of forest and field is this connection to myself.

So I stood in for Root. It did not hurt that I had mountain-man beard already grown in. Throw in a walking stick made by father, and a Carhart outdoor shirt and I look the part of a modern-day Root. A quick selfie with my phone and I had all I needed to get started. Receding hairlines be damned, I gave Root the one I wish I had, along with a fuller beard.

Most of the evolution of the illustration is in the lighting. I ended with two light sources in the end, largely to just help Root to stand out from the darker forest behind him, but also to help boost the idea that this character lives in a world unlike ours.

For myself as an artist, there is no point doing fantasy artwork if it just looks like a picture of a woodsman somewhere in Washington, so the purple lights allude to something magical or mystical, something just out of sight by the viewer.

What is the source? I honestly don’t know, but I suspect Root will out. It’s his nature, after all.

Original Root, AI generated and better looking version of my reference model.

P.S. While I cannot give specifics as it would be spoilers for future adventurers who join us at the tavern, I will say any DM that #tpk’s everyone in session 0 of an introduction to 5e D&D is one sadistic insert-non-PG-words-here. Thanks, DM-who-will-not-be-named.

P.P.S. Yeah, Root died already. But then the DM healed us. Because he’s an upright DM that did not want to get clobbered over the head with a long stick thing.

His Most Noble Highness Prince Meriendor Fardove, Prodigal Lord of the Night Sky

I recently did my first art commission for a near and dear friend who wanted a portrait done for a character they are role-playing. Aren’t RPGs awesome?!

Here is what the client gave me to help cement who their character is.

My character is His Most Noble Highness Prince Meriendor Fardove, Prodigal Lord of the Night Sky, but his friends call him Meri! He’s an astral elf and he is literally the prince of the moon, so he has a pink/blue galaxy theme going. He’s a fairly feminine pretty boy, high on the androgyny, and he’s an Abberant Mind sorcerer, so a little on the weird side. When he was a child, he was sent to the mortal world to learn from one of the high elf families down there, but when he lost his sense of humor at the Witchlight, his family deemed him too weird to come home and rule. He’s on a quest to prove his worth and be allowed to go home to the moon. He has a deep belief in manners, morals, and always doing the right thing.

I absolutely love the detail in this. There is so much to work from, and it really gives you a sense of who Meriendor is. And yes, we are on a first name basis but you may call his Your Host Noble Highness. This is the kinda stuff I love as an artist. Gives me a lot of ideas for imagery to pull from, which still giving me freedom to bring my own interpretation to the character.

Reflecting on my first art commission

To be perfectly frank, I’ve been anxious of do an art commissions in so much as I am an artist who does this for the joy of it. And while I hope to eventually get to a place where I can pursue my art full-time, I know second-hand from very established artist friends that once you start doing art for pay, your relationship with your art can change. More directly, there is both a tension and a balance of doing the piece I want to do versus meeting the needs and wants of the client, who is after all paying you for your time and energy. So much of where you end on that scale is dependent on the client — choose your clients wisely!

To the astute reader of this site, I’ve certainly done work in the past such as with a local winery, a local pizza/catering , and even a filmmaker friend; however, this is the first art-art commission that is not commercial in nature.

A great client makes happy artist. Thankfully this person is quite familiar with my style. Aside, do I even have an established style yet? I’m flattered that they think so! And as such, they were very comfortable giving me the freedom to create something we both love. Which is always the gift that keeps on giving.

The struggle is real

I will admit I struggled with this piece toward the end, in part as I’ve never quite been satisfied with the image when viewed small-scale. There is something about the mouth – I think it’s the values – that does not quite sit with me. I may finally figure it out and send the client a revised final. But as with any artwork, at some point, you have to let the process come to a conclusion. And more so trust, based on feedback from the client, that they are satisfied with the piece.

Which is to not say I’m not proud of the piece; I am. But as a person is trying to grow my craft, I think it’s important to remain objective about your artwork in order for you to reflect and grow.

Aside from some issues with values, I really do like the more cropped version where you can really see a subtle, dare I say, sublime look to Meriendor. I fully admit I’m enamored with the canvas texture I added to the image even if it’s fully digital picture; sadly, it does not render well when zoomed out due to the moiré effect, but nevertheless I think it looks amazing close-up.

Client reference pieces

The client provided some initial inspiration for their character with some images. It’s startlingly how good AI-generated image (bottom image) are, and while I was tempted to use more of it as a template for my version, I opted to not go to strongly in that direction lest I fall to creating a derivative work.

And then there are my own references

With both textual and visual references in the proverbial hand, I then went on an internet safari hunt for my own reference photos. A lot of times in personal pieces I use myself as the reference, but in this case I thought it was important to look elsewhere to ensure this was not just another vanity piece.

We both really liked the bottom photo, especially as I could see the character’s hand up cupping a ball of magic to help tell the story of who they are. He is, after all, an aberrant mind sorcerer. Additionally the lighting and colors were already close to what I was thinking for this piece, which always makes adapting a reference easier. I really wanted some depth so I added a moon … whether it’s Earth’s Moon or not is open to interpretation.

Process

Of the pieces I’ve done recently, I think this captures some of the process that a piece goes through from concept to final rendering. You really get the sense I did not have a good handle on the face in the first half during composition and value study. I had to go back and repaint the entirety of the face toward the end. And as noted above, I might still make revisions.

Originally I wanted to have a more bare-chested version, but the client felt it did not fit with the reserved, proper nature so we added a sheer shirt and ensured that arm was mostly covered. I added a lot of finer details included the small unicorn horn pendant, and other embellishments that would convey a person of high pedigree.

Not matter what quibbles I might have as an artist with my own work; it comes with the job description, I think; at the end of the day, it’s ultimately the client who has the final word on an artist’s output.

I love it SO MUCH!!! Thank you so much for this – it’s absolutely stunning!!
The Client

How can I possibly disagree with that?

Kazumichi, Magus Kensei

I recently started an IRL game with folks local to me at a newly opened gaming shop, Secret Lair at Lake Chelan, in our hometown of Manson, Washington.

For the past many years we’ve played entirely virtual table-top (aka VTT), and so actually getting together around a physical table to sit down is quite a treat. There are real dice to roll! And real figurines to move around a map! And there are real people to talk to, oh my! Okay, 2 out of 3 ain’t too bad. Joking aside, to put in context, it’s been more than 10 years since I spent more than a few minutes in-person with folks outside of my immediate family; the joys and tribulations as both a fully-remote technologist and being autistic – so there is some real anxiety being around other folks, even if we are each other’s peeps. So a part of getting out is just re-normalize myself to being around people, and try to continue to make inroads in our community which I adore so much.

I’m pretty familiar with D&D 5e, and while I did play a bit of 3.5e when that was all the rage, I’ve never played Pathfinder 1e which is based on 3.5e. Our DM is bringing us through an urban fantasy to boot, which is also new to me. As a bit of self-indulgence, I opted to roll with Kensei Magus, or in layman terms, a sword-wielding master who can add magic to their attacks. Think a Japanese swordsman of yore with a bit of Gandalf thrown in for good measure.

And before folks try to correct me, the correct pronunciation is KENsei (剣聖／けん・せい／), not KENsai, regardless of what Paizo Publishing might put in print. Just saying.

The self-indulgence? Well, first I have a black belt in Kendo (Japanese sword-fighting). Second, I speak Japanese sorta fluently (fluently enough to have once worked as a Japanese interpreter in aerospace manufacturing). And finally, I named the character after myself. Self-indulgence in three, indeed!

My character’s name is 和道 (KAZUmichi). You can address me, I mean him, as Kazumichi or Kazu, but don’t call him Kaz. He hates that. And for the record, so do I.

A bit of trivia. I choose the name of Kazumichi for myself when I first lived in Japan some 30 years ago as a bit of an homage to 1) Japan, 2) my Kendo training, and 3) a play on words of my English name. On that last part, an alternative pronunciation is WAdou, which is very close to how Japanese might pronounce my English name as WAdo. If I’m being utterly honest, and I am, I really did not like that pronunciation, especially it’s the same pronunciation for Microsoft Word. As for the first part, the first character 和 generally means “harmony” or “peace”, but a more archaic meaning is Japan(ese). So an archaic understanding of the characters might lead one to interpret to “way of Japan”, which is a fitting auto-appellation for a full-of-himself young American kid living in Japan. 🙂

I will admit that my character was (deeply) inspired the recent Netflix series, Blue-eyed Samurai. If you’ve not watched it, stop reading and go and watch. It’s okay, I’ll wait. See what I mean? An amazing TV series. One of the best in the last few years. And, you’re welcome.

Now given the fact that that I named my character after my Japanese name, I thought there was no reason to not use myself as a reference in the portrait. Granted, I did end up creating a character portrait closer to my IRL age of 50 than my character’s age of 27, but a bit of retcon never hurt anyone, right?

I really wanted to role-play with a familiar as I’ve not done in a quite awhile, and thankfully Pathfinder 1e makes that pretty easy. And when I raw across a Dracula parrot (it’s real, google it), I knew exactly what my familiar would look like. And I decided to name them 闇 or YAmi, which is the Chinese character for absence of light, and resonance with both the benign such as twilight or darkness, but also the more sublime such as Japanese mythology where some gods exist.

Since Kensei can’t use armor or a shield, we need a way to survive first contact with hostiles. We opted to make dump both his strength and charisma stats to ensure both his dexterity and intelligence are at 18 or 17, respectively. In gaming parlance, he’s a lanky DEX(terity) monkey. And while folks might assume he’d wield a katana, as a bit of meta-gaming he’s a master of scimitars in order to leverage Dervish Dancer feat to wreck the game’s action economy. We might be leaning toward role-playing, but it’s hard to resist a bit of Min-Max’ing.

As an artist, I love to share my references as I think too many people, especially other self-taught artists think that references are some kind of sign of weakness, when in fact since time immemorial, references are a staple of every accomplished artist’s toolset. I’m not saying I’m accomplished, I’m just saying references are super important. And that fellow has one hell of a head of hair; color me jealous.

Left is the first version I made, but I really did not like a few elements such as the hair, lack of interesting embellishments, and Kazumichi’s clothing. Again, thank you for references to help find elements to help guide the details. I opted to do a bit of a paint-over to change out the hair, add some details like a Chinese dragon tattoo on the head, and a Chrysanthemum tattoo on the forearm. Kazumichi will not welcome at any Japanese onsen (hot baths) anytime soon; sadly. While I still not entirely stoked about the horns, I opted to put the proverbial pen down and call it complete. Who knows, maybe I come back to in a bit, but I’d rather move to another portrait.

Say hello to all the nice folks, Kazu.

和道と申します。どうぞよろしくお願いいたします。

Night at The Threshold

Normally I’d not post the following on this art site; however, given I created some original art assets for my group’s D&D sessions I thought it might be fun to share.

For some quick context, this post outlines the first half of a two-shot submodule I created for our ongoing, weekly D&D group. We are presently about to have opening night of our new inn, The Threshold, in the city of Waterdeep. My character, Erel, has gone out and bought some party favors, as it were, to help with said opening night.

Cast of Characters

Erel (me) – Aasimar paladin who was raised as First Fist of the Temple at Earsa. Suffice it to say, Erel is not city-slicker, and is often not entirely in sync with everything a large city has to offer. As explained in more detail below, Erel is a devote advocate for a martial art he calls shadow poetry, which establishes his motivations to create the most epic opening night for their new inn.

Oscar – Feywild ranger with a randy side to him. If it has a heartbeat and is attractive then expect Oscar to saddle up to become buddies with them. In two words, Oscar is a concupiscent trickster.

Sylvia – Goblin mage with a ferret, Thalum, as familiar. While a one-shot wonder of fire and ice, she is not amused by her natural feats in the magical arts. She appears to have an unhealthy relationship with Death.

Lucius “Leo” – human seafaring druid with a passion for ensuring all doors are closed. He also appears to be cursed. He is a granite anchor of the team.

Taryel – Triton fighter who loves shiny things and casually making friends with underwater dragons. She’s also good in fight, although we all know Erel is better at the long-game.

Background

The new owners of The Threshold are just a few days away from a grand opening of their new eating experience establishment. They’ve hired some eclectic chefs and bartenders to concote food and libation wonderments for anyone bold and adventurous enough to walk through the door.

Erel, erstwhile First Fist of the Temple at Earsa and now fallen Aasimar paladin is a founding member of The Threshold. He is most excited by an opportunity to introduce shadow poetry to the denizens of Waterdeep, where he knows there is more than ample fertile ground for his martial and literary arts, especially from those who enjoy the operas of Waterdeep that Erel finds enjoyable in the way an adult might enjoy children’s theater.

Erel, in his infinite wisdom, has decided to surprise his fellow adventurers with a grand, elaborate opening debut of both their inn and shadow poetry. It’s both a ceremony and celebration, an opportunity for each member of the party to be more formally initiated into Erel’s arts and learn more deeply about themselves. For this is the truest expression and intent of his moving poetry: find the truths hidden behind the facades (masks) we all wear in daily life.

Day of Shopping

Notes to DM

This section is meant to be interspersed with other party activities. These are light vignettes that are largely setup for Opening Night (not included for now due to spoilers).

First Thing in Morning

Erel wakes before everyone else to gather supplies for the celebration.

For any member of the party, they easily spot a mug with a note underneath it. It reads:

“hey all!

I’m off to get opening night materials for The Threshold.

It’s going to be epic!

I’ll be back later tonight. Don’t wait up for me.

yo, erel”
Erel, note to group

If they investigate (5 or better) they flip over the card and discover the poster-invitation on the other side. Regardless of this discovery or note, members will find larger versions of this side plastered throughout Waterdeep on poles and in the front of shops, et cetera. Erel has been busy.

Later That Same Day

Notes to DM

The party will not be able to find Erel, but throughout the day deliveries and packages start to arrive at The Threshold.

Feel free to embellish and create your own characters for the merchants, depending on party interaction.

Deliveries

The following items will be individually delivered by different merchants.

Water Fountain

This will be a large, stone basin that can fit in the courtyard. There is a pedestal in the middle of it, large enough to hold a large humanoid.

Investigations

5 or better: They will also see The Threshold carved in script on one side.
10 or better: anyone looking at it will ascertain that it could hold a reasonably sized statue.
15 or better: they will notice small doors carved all around the fountain near the base. Each door or gateway is different. Some are proper doors. Others are archways. You get the distinct impression a lot of thought has gone into each one. Each doorway can be connected back to a party member. Each doorway activates a glamor when examined closely by the person it’s related to, whereupon it comes alive and seems like reality in miniature.

Sylvia: a smaller door with what looks like smoke, fire and lightning coming from it. Icy wind escapes through the door. There are the markings of Death all around the door, and a hooded skull looking down upon any who might enter. The door is only slightly open.
Oscar: a woodland scene with a door made of two intertwined. There is a sense of movement in the bushes, and there are thorns such that it is easy to imagine that getting through the entryway without getting pricked is hard.
Taryel: This one is only discovered on the inside of the fountain near the bottom of the water. It’s an underwater cave entrance with gleaming eyes radiating from within.
Lucius: This one is discovered on the fountain pedestal. There are stairs coming up out of the water that goes to a closed door. It appears locked. There is a small rodent entry to the side of the door.
Erel: There is a round columned entry-way with carved columns toppled and shattered. Behind is a temple set up in the distance. It’s not entirely clear whether the temple is abandoned or not. The columns block further ingress. Next to the entrance is a single glaive resting against the remains of a standing column.

Insights

20 or better: They know Erel and while they do not entirely understand how Erel’s mind works, he is obviously up to something. They cannot quite put their finger on what or who, but they suspect it has something to do with a party member

Koi Fish

A merchant will arrive and start to fill the fountain with water and koi fish. The fish will be of varying sizes and colors. The merchant will add some lily pads to the fountain for the fish to find some shade and protection from aviary sorts.

Investigations

none

Insights

10 or better: the number of koi fish coincide with the number of party members and employees of The Threshold
15 or better: each koi fish actually resembles each party member in some way. Each member must roll independently to discover their own koi

Sylvia: There are a pair of koi (one small, one tiny) that always travel together. The tiny one is constantly swimming around the small one while shuttling to other koi.
Oscar: Medium-sized that appears to enjoy playing tricks on all the other koi. If anyone tries to interact with it, it will squirt water into their face.
Taryel: medium- to large-sized koi with iridescent scales, its colors changing from greens to blues to even purples. Even for a fish, it seems even more comfortable in its surroundings than all the other koi. It will explore the entire fountain and interact with air-breathers by coming to the surface.
Lucius: medium-sized koi that appears to change its color to camouflage itself. It tends to stay toward the bottom of the fountain wherever there are shadows.
Erel: large-sized koi with golden scales that remind members of his eyes. The fins of the koi come off in long, sweeping strokes and seem to more fly than swim through the water.

Masks

An artisan brings masks, each individually wrapped and a note attached with their names written in eloquent script.

born and bourn
into and by our ignorance

we our masks don and donnée
silent shadows we simper

moved till stumbling
we fall and fallen so arise
Poem on card attached to each member’s mask

Sylvia: ferret
Thalum (ferret familiar): goblin with a golden star over one eye
Oscar: Satyr
Taryel: Sea Serpent, its color changing in a fashion similar to one of the koi in the pond
Lucius: Rat with its mouth open
Lizardfolk chef: lizardfolk (it looks just like them with it on)
Magic chef: crystal facemask that refracts and reflects light. When you look toward her with it on, you can see your own reflection
Death chef: skull mask that goes down to top of mouth. His lips and lower jaw are visible, but his skin takes on a pale luster with it donned
Robot bartender: human face of nondescript features, it could be male or female, albeit slightly childlike features. The proverbial blank page for which a persona can emerge.
Mute bartender: mouth mask of clasped closed hands. When donned, their eyes glow.

Investigations

10 or better: these have no real magical properties other than some fey-like glimmers on them that help enhance some of their aspects

Insights

None

Crate of Figurines

A large wooden crate is delivered. Inside the crate are dozens and dozens of hand-sized figurines of a humanoid pirate in a dynamic pose.

Insights

10 or Better: They look like Lucius

Investigations

10 or Better: On the bottom each figure is inscribed “Lucius, Doorman to Heals”
15 or Better: At the bottom of the crate they will discover a set of human-sized clothes that match what the figurines are wearing.
20 or Better: On top of finding the aforementioned wardrobe, they perfectly fit Lucius and Lucius alone.

30 Years in the Making

30 years ago I tried to create a masterpiece. Discover whether I did or not. Or more precisely, learn how I took that “masterpiece” and made it better. And if not better then at least different.

Some thirty years ago while I was in high school I made a self-portrait using inks and water-colors (see below for this “masterpiece”). At the time, I was very much on a self-journey of a discovery of lines. I believed that all art was the intersection and continuation of lines, and as such my great conceit of that time was that all art was just lines morphing from one shape to another shape.

It’s obvious that this is a decidedly too narrow a view of art, but such are the thoughts of a teen living in a pre-internet day with too little access (or curiosity) of the greater art world, and too much hubris to go out and search for it. We’ll get back to this in a bit. First, a quick re-telling of the first self-portrait.

The Original, A Short History

As for this original self-portrait that I created circa 1992, I ended up giving this to my very best and dearest friend Nils Passion, then an exchange student from Germany. I never quite understood why he wanted it, at least on artistic terms it was not worth much mention. As if any of my art today warrants such mention is another such matter. But I digress and me being who I am, only on reflection I realize it must have been on a more human level of connection with me that gripped Nils to want such a piece; a realization that would never have come to me way back then. But again, I digress.

At some point, Nils or his parents saw fit to frame this work in one far too valuable for such a piece, but nevertheless they did and here we are today. My artwork in a gilded frame, a reminder to me that our friendship was valued far more than the art itself. That in itself is maybe worthy of its own post.

While recently looking at that rather baroque frame and my decidedly abaroque (sic) picture sitting in it, I thought it might make a good example of “progress as an artist” as it were. By doing a then and now comparison, I could capture my evolution as an artist over the last three decades. Albeit, to be fair that while it’s three decades on the clock, it’s really less than six years as an artist. To wit, I had largely been on hiatus to art, at least anything illustrative or painterly for more than two of those three decades. But that is a story for another time.

To Be An Artist or Not to Be An Artist

The short of it is that it was not till the time of my first visit to Norwescon back in 2016 did I entertain seriously getting back into visual arts. To be clear, in the years prior to this I had gotten quite serious into digital photography, and even dabbled with processing my own black and white medium-format photographs. This was while at Amazon when I met Tracy Boyd, part-time UX designer, full-time fine artist. I was loath to call myself an artist, but it was Tracy who insisted on the appellation, seeing in me something I could not see in myself at the time. For the curious, I saw photography as my way to come to terms with color. I hated using color in my teens. Color was magic, it was mystical. It was not meant to be used lightly, and as such I stuck to largely black and white artwork far into my early twenties as evidenced by my own self-portrait from this period. But again, I digress.

Prior to attending Norwescon for the first time in 2016, my partner Marit had recently went to a writers’ retreat where she meet, amongst other luminaries, Mark Ferrari. When she showed me Mark’s work, I arrogantly said (or minimally cowardly thought) I was as good as him. Hubris is something I have a few lifetime supplies of just laying around for times like this.

To be clear, I was not and I am still not anywhere close to Mark’s narrative abilities, visual or otherwise. But for whatever reason, seeing Mark’s work reminded me of my own work from my high school years. While too long to fit the full telling within this post, I had a conflicted relationship with the arts that culminated in me “leaving the arts” in my early twenties. Suffice it to say then that when I saw Mark’s own work it awoke in something I had forgotten I had ever possessed: a passion to be a visual story-teller. I yearned to be like Mark. I ached to be an artist. I needed to do art. Not photography; not that it is not art; but, I wanted to do art like I used to create for the first two decades of my life: with my hands, telling stories that only I could envision in my head.

Discovering I’m Not All That

So I got myself an iPad Pro, Procreate.app, and Apple pencil and immediately discovered I sucked. Not like sucked bad from my times from high school, but like sucked bad as if “I had never drawn a line before in my life but still delusional that I was amazing-balls bad”. That kinda bad. In short, bad bad. Insert a line about Dunning-Kruger here.

I was more than naïve about art and my abilities, I was whole cloth ignorant. Even wantonly ignorant. I had forgotten about composition. I had forgotten about values or shapes. I had never learned color theory. I had never seriously studied anatomy, if you can count Marvel Comics guide to drawing figures as anatomy study. In a word, I had forgotten everything and worse, had not really spent the years learning the fundamentals during the first two decades of life; pre-requisites to what it takes to create art or be an artist. I had no real foundation to draw upon, even though in my mind I was a Michelangelo just waiting to put brush to fresco to paint masterpieces. It was humbling in the mightiest of ways, and no amount of hubris (and I had and still have a lot) could anneal me against this truth.

To another person this might be common-sensical. I had spent more time “not riding the bicycle” as I ever had done riding it. It would be natural that I’d not be as good as I had been, but that was not a truth I was comfortable with at that time. In my head, I was a gifted and talented artist. Granted, maybe I was at the time of measurement; as a teenager I was moderately talented, but talent is but a mere accelerant. Talent in and of itself does not make you an artist, and especially not a master. Skill does, though.

Skill is something to be acquired, to be learned through the hard knocks of life unlike talent that is doled at in varying degrees at birth. Skill comes from thousands and thousands of hours of practical study. At the end of it all, talent provides but a thimbleful in comparison to the ocean that skill provides.

Thankfully for myself, I had matured a bit in three decades, and more than any amount hubris I’m maniacally accountable to myself. If I say I am an artist then I ought to get to the work of becoming an artist. And so, starting in 2016, I got started on trying to prove to myself that I was truly an artist – not just some memory of one – by setting out to acquire the skill necessary.

Some six years later and I’m still learning the fundamentals. I do not practice nearly as much as I would like. If I had as much discipline to art as I do to exercise, I’d be light-years further than where I am today. But still, I’m making progress. I have even done some professional work on the side that I’m moderately proud of.

As a consequence, as much for myself, I wanted to try my hand at something I had done in the past. I was curious how I might re-interpret something, both as an artist and as a person, with thirty more years of lived experience to draw upon (bad pun) along with the most recent six years dedicated to improving my craft.

Today’s Self Portrait, A Short Reflection

As I noted above, when I was in teens I saw all artwork as lines. So when I re-created this piece, I wanted to keep that philosophy intact. However, given I was not using linework, I instead tried to use values and color to tie elements together. In this regards, clouds morph into eagle and dragon, my face melts into muscle that flows down to a digital waterfall, and so forth. I’m quite pleased to be keep with the spirit of the self-portrait, even if this new approach is fundamentally different.

I think it’s pretty clear to even a casual observer that the original piece was not just naïve in technique; it was also thematically naïve, too. While I did not want to drastically to change the composition, I did want to reinterpret parts of it to be have a fuller vision of the original theme of the internal aspects of myself flowing out of me as expressed by the aforementioned connection that all things are lines.

On top of just making the piece more complete, I also wanted to incorporate elements that are more emblematic of who I am as I approach my fifth decade. In this aspect, the biggest addition is the dragon in the lower left. If you’ve spent any time on this site then I know I quite love dragons. I otherwise kept most of the other elements in the original, albeit with a few twists.

In regards to the muscle reveal on the right side of my face, it should be noted that this is not inspired by 進撃の巨人 (Attack of Titans), but instead my sister. It’s maybe a reasonable conclusion to make given my long connection to Japan, but it’s one of my older sisters who first introduced me to the concept. She had done pieces during her college years depicting people pulling their skin off like you would removing a shirt or parts, revealing the muscles underneath. I am not sure if she was inspired herself by another artist, but regardless, as an impressionable teen I was literally blown away by this, promptly trying to emulate this in my own pieces from that time.

Overall, I’m quite pleased with the results of this re-interpretation. I think it shows a clear evolution in visual story-telling. From the perspective of technique it’s clear that I’ve improved my rendering, along with overall improvement to anatomical correctness with own portrait. I definitely do not suffer from a fear of applying color like I did as a teenager where, as I wrote above, I saw color then as something mystical in nature, aberrant even. I think this self-portrait is a vast improvement, and one that I’m proud of (for now). I will be curious to come back to this in another decade to see what else I might bring to the narrative.